if I told you my story…

The song came out about four years ago. I was working at Family Christian bookstores at the time, and I remember that I really liked the song at the time. I bought the CD, it played a whole lot in my car. It spoke to me then… it speaks to me now. Little did I know, though, just how much it would speak to me four years later – August 2019.

The song in question? “My Story” by Big Daddy Weave. It’s off their album “Beautiful Offerings”, released in September 2015. As I mentioned, I was working at Family Christian at the time, so the song was on our store soundtrack for a while. My life until that point had been difficult, and I had already faced some incredibly dark moments. When I think about the seven years after high school, I mentally divide it into three loose sections… 2012-2014 was the first hard section, 2015-2016 was the “middle” section – still dealing with the dark demons of mental illness but making it through okay – and then 2017-2019 was my never ending hell that, praise Jesus, ended with His miraculous intervention in my life.

So, operating off of that, the song came out when things were relatively… okay. I mean, that Christmas season was difficult. I remember that on more than one occasion I had to ask my manager at Family Christian to lock up the box cutters, but she was such a gift… she would do so without asking any questions, and I always knew that she was praying for me on those days that were especially hard. Over the last few years I have remained aware of the song, but when I heard it again today on the radio (and mind you I hardly EVER have the radio on in the car anymore!)… it hit me. In a new way, in a beautiful way. In a way like never before.

2019 has brought about a turn in my story that I never expected. I never even thought it was possible, so why even think about it? But, as a result of God’s incredible intervention this year, so many doors of opportunity have opened for both myself and for my parents. And, not to say that those doors weren’t there at all before, but… with all that has happened this year, let’s just say some of the doors that were there before are now FAR more realistic. For instance? The door that leads to my parents and myself no longer being a household of three.

See… my whole life is about to change. And this is probably going to be the hardest and most significant change I have ever walked through. My parents are moving to Idaho, and I am hoping to stay here in Santa Rosa. That, or I am hoping to transfer somewhere with my company… but we don’t have any availability in Idaho. So, even if I left Santa Rosa, I more than likely will not be following my parents up to Boise. I’ve lived with my parents as just the household of us three for thirteen years now… that’s about half my life. Six years of school and then the seven years after high school. And not only have I lived with them by myself for so long (older sisters moved out), but we are all very close. The three of us have walked through some hell together, mostly surrounding my battle with depression and mental illness. We haven’t always gotten along, no, but they have always had my back. They have always supported me in ways I never could have imagined. They have always been my own personal rockstars.

Back to my story… actually, well, HIS story. Him being Jesus. Since my plane landed in May, and since things have continued to unfold and show that there might be something to this plane landing, I have wanted nothing more than to share with others and to love others as He has loved me. I have begun having maybe even LESS direction about my career and my future, less tangible direction. I know now more than ever that it is my heart’s desire to do something with my life that brings glory to Him in a beautiful way and allows me to love and support others with the wisdom He has blessed me with. I want to be His vessel of grace, His instrument of peace.

So… what exactly does the future hold? I honestly have no idea. I’ve never had less of an idea! But at the same time… I’ve never had a peace like this. An excited, “I cannot WAIT to see what God does because even though it’s going to be hard it’s going to be beautiful” kind of peace. And if my parents had planned to move even nine months ago? I would have felt so differently. So as I still sometimes get anxious about my future or what’s going to happen, all I have to do is look again at my story. HIS story. The story of His beautiful rescue and relentless pursuit of a daughter who was hurting and lost.

If I look at the lyrics of the song, so many phrases and words convey so beautifully what my heart wants to share. “If I told you my story, you would here hope that wouldn’t let go… love that never gave up… victory over the enemy…” WOW. All of those things have shown up in my life this year, and they have shown up in some big ways. Because we have a big God. Two of my favorite words, two words that appear in scripture at least once… “but God.” BUT GOD! Ladies and gentlemen, just when we think all hope is lost, God shows up. And more often than not, He shows up in some pretty incredible and miraculous ways.

I could go on and on and ON about the small ways that I have seen God just this year, but for now I will just say this… my story is HIS story, and it is His now more than ever before.

I knew I wanted to close this post with a scripture, and given the subject of my post and the timing and all that is happening in my life… there is really only one option. It is a verse I have grown up hearing my dad say from the pulpit – actually a prayer I have heard him pray from the pulpit – as he begins every single sermon. And given that, more than likely, I am drawing towards the end of having pastor dad in my every day life… I felt it was an obvious choice. Psalm 19:14…

“Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart
    be acceptable in your sight,
    O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.”

Amen.
It is so.
It is so yesterday, it is so today, and it will be so forevermore.
Amen.

If I told you my story
You would hear Hope that wouldn’t let go
And if I told you my story
You would hear Love that never gave up
And if I told you my story
You would hear Life, but it wasn’t mine
If I should speak then let it be
Of the grace that is greater than all my sin
Of when justice was served and where mercy wins
Of the kindness of Jesus that draws me in
Oh to tell you my story is to tell of Him

If I told you my story
You would hear victory over the enemy
And if I told you my story
You would hear freedom that was won for me
And if I told you my story
You would hear Life overcome the grave
If I should speak then let it be
Of the grace that is greater than all my sin
Of when justice was served and where mercy wins
Of the kindness of Jesus that draws me in
Oh to tell you my story is to tell of Him

This is my story, this is my song
Praising my savior all the day long
This is my story, this is my song
Praising my savior all the day long
For the grace that is greater than all my sin
Of when justice was served and where mercy wins
Of the kindness of Jesus that draws me in
Oh to tell you my story is to tell of Him

This is my story, this is my song
Praising my Savior all the day long

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